This is going to be one massive spoiler thing, so you know, don't read. Even though I don't feel like I owe you this warning, given that I already said spoilers in the description of the blog. I'm just being a nice guy, I guess.
I remember back in 2012, when I still bothered to watch TV, I saw commercials for this movie. I was actually excited; it had been a long time that there was a movie that I wanted to watch. I figured I would get it after it came out on DVD and see it then... course, I only just now watched it today, over two years later. I don't recall them ever saying the film was PG-13, nor did they ever mention the fact that this damn movie was a friggin' FOUND FOOTAGE FILM.
So now that my expectations are shot to all Hell, let's dive into it. And as a first, I'm going to write down everything as I watch the movie, this way it all comes out raw and unfiltered. Except when I force myself to not curse like some kind of man of the oceans, because that makes me look more professional. On the Internet. Internet professional? Well gee whiz, maybe now I should join some lame review site where I too can make cameos in other peoples videos and come up with unfunny memes to hopefully amass a legion of fans who will take my word as law and keyboard warrior against all who do not find me to be the most amazing guy ever.
First thing we get is a drunk father, the camera pointing at a mirror and the first hint that yes, this is a found footage movie. Then we get a mother who is on oxygen. Good to know this film doesn't start out bleak or anything... but then, maybe this will set the tone for the entire film, right? I mean, just because it's PG-13 doesn't mean it can't be depressing... or rather, trying to force depression. Nah, then it jumps to horrible forced humor with bad music and crap philosophy before going to school. You know, that thing that everybody hates but has to be shown to give the audience who are teenagers, a fact that is now thoroughly pounded into my brain, something to connect to. There is then the amazing section of watching the back of his head as he eats lunch and whiny cheerleaders. I think this is the movies attempt to tell me to get away, because I am way too old for any of this.
And let me make special mention of the bully section. Now, this guy knows he's being filmed slapping this kid while having him in a headlock. He knows he's being filmed kicking the camera. Why did this guy not show this to the principal and get this kid suspended? Better yet, why not have him arrested for damaging his property? Actually, let's turn this into the section in which everything caught on film that should be reported to some authorities is put, because there's a section where he gets smacked around by his drunk father with the camera recording.
Oh look, he said "let me give you a protip". Because isn't using Internet terms in real life just SUPER AMAZING LOL ^_^. Oh, and a mention of blogging too; well now, aren't we a super cool and hip movie. Except for when they go to a rave. You know, that thing which was cool in the 90s. But then maybe it's coming back in an ironic way. Oh dear, I think I just found a hipster connection! Actually, the whole hipster thing is valid since there's a cousin who keeps spouting on about philosophy to make himself sound smarter than he really is.
But you know, I don't understand why they put in these lame party scenes into things. This is exactly the kind of thing that made me groan when they put it into Battlestar Galactica, Caprica and Stargate Universe. It does nothing at all except remind me that I wish something would happen that didn't involve horrible music and white people dancing to it. And like all nerds, he left the party crying. Then he gets led into the woods... this is either going to be the proper start of the movie or this is going to turn into a snuff film. Oh, who am I kidding this is a PG-13; there's not going to be any real hardcore violence.
It then suddenly turns into Prometheus, complete with the black goo. But instead of the bloody nose, I was expecting the thing to grab heads like in SG-1, or at least do some kind of Guyver thing... not just have a crystal glow and them fall down.
Now the movie turns into... Jackass? I guess this is where it's supposed to really kick off with their powers, and yet it's literally just two guys hurting one another and laughing like morons. Actually, saying this is Jackass is an insult to those guys, because they actually hurt themselves in a more creative and sometimes actually funny ways. This is just two guys lobbing things at one another. I'm starting to think the only reason why this even has this kind of rating is for language, because they say shit a whole lot.
Oh no, look at that; I cussed... except I already did when I used the word ass before. Oh dear me, now I will ever be a member of That ScrewAttack Guy With The Reviewtopia or whatever is the cool place to be these days.
AND THEN SUDDENLY LEGO! Because the best way to stay relevant these days for Lego is to appear in this movie and not actually get rid of those stupid licenses that force their sets to be stupidly expensive to the point where only really spoiled little brats with rich parents can buy them. Or really stupid adults with too much money, like with that Death Star II set. But then, fanboys, so...
Oh look, they're trying to make the drunk father into an actual sympathetic character. I wonder how long that's going to last. And now we have the sick mother out, trying to force her son into saying he's "stronger than this". What 'this' is, I don't know. Maybe she means the whole camera thing. Or his raging introversion. I know what that's like, and this lady is trying too hard for something that won't change.
I'm actually starting to like the moments the three main characters are together and just talking about the progression of their powers. It reminds me as to why I wanted to see this film in the first place, rather than be bogged down with all the side crap of this one kids horrible little life.
HOLY SHIT SUDDENLY BAKUGAN. When the Hell was this movie even made? I didn't think Bakugan was even still a thing in most of the world in 2012. Actually, it seems it was; the last series in America ran until very early 2011, so I suppose the toy line was still in stores when they were filming this movie. And that was actually about the only interesting bit of the whole toy story bit.
The small bit in the diner and talking about imagination it making me think of Ressha Sentai ToQger, which shows how much of a Sentai nerd I am. But it does make me wonder if that's really the whole point behind it; is the nerd kid, who is obviously the strongest, simply that because as a nerd with a bad life, he can more easily fall into escapism? Or am I looking too deep into this?
I have to admit, I got a small smirk out of the line "Yes, this time it was the black guy!" and I did laugh at "Ignore us, we're just... Mormons."
And now we have the first real signs that the main character with the shit life is going to abuse the Hell out of his powers. I would make a Dark Side reference, but I'm sure everybody and their mother who has seen this movie already has. Actually, this is really starting to sound like The Force and the Jedi Code in the film, so I guess that's where they were going with this. Especially with the hand motions. Now I'm expecting lightsaber fights every ten minutes...
I also have to admit that the flying bit was pretty cool; I think the CG was better than most films I've seen in a while. Maybe my inner DBZ nerd is showing, but seeing people fly in the skies is always cool, plus their playing catch with a football was neat. As was the near hit with the airliner. Honestly, when it's just them and their powers this film seems to become amazing, a point I made before, but it's just turning out to being more right in my mind with every scene like this. Also, during the sleep over, when they all claimed that the day was the "best ever", I was waiting for somebody, ANYBODY to say "except that part where the plane nearly killed one of us."
So is blog girl now a secondary character in the film? Is she going to keep popping up, or is this going to be a sub plot that's dropped?
Oh hey, we finally see drunk dad and he seems to be on to the whole powers thing. Or maybe he's just assuming something else. Either way he's more bald than I imagined. But he still has a face you just want to punch.
Okay, blog girl now seems to be a recurring character. Seems this whole thing between her and the wannabe philosophy guy is now a proper sub plot. One can only imagine how this will end. More blog girl after a talent show, in which those rules seem to have been thrown out the window. By now I was expecting this film to get real dark with, I guess his name is Andrew, going crazy from his power, yet everything seems to be going decently well. I wonder what, exactly is going to change that makes him go nutty, like the trailers all suggested.
Okay, now it is going down that path. And what a shock, the cause is his father being an abusive prick, ranting about not having any money because of the sick mother and sending him to school... you know, when he's going to a public school. I know taxes pay for that, but it's not like he's going to a private school. The thing I find funny is he says that, yet he seems to have enough money to get hammered all the time. If this were an R rated film, I'm sure he would have killed his father... but since this is a lame ass PG-13, he just rolls around in pain when Andrew rightfully shows him what pain is.
Well, one of the main characters died via Force Lightning. Going back to Star Wars, because this film seems to want to go there and because I watched the Clone Wars "film" last night, I honestly think this is a better story of the rise and fall of Anakin than the prequels ever were. He gains access to these amazing powers and slowly falls to the darkness within as he grows in control, yet cannot control his feelings.
Now the fun stuff starts, where he starts just using his powers more like anybody really would, rather than in some lame, noble "rules" bound way. Ripping out teeth and talking about how he did it on camera, while not normally a smart idea, is both interesting and to be expected from him. It's not like anybody who finds out could stop him; at this point he is basically the single most powerful being on the planet. Well, okay, singularly he is, but I assume he couldn't fight off an army or a bunch of cops for very long. This isn't DBZ... yet.
Now, I could go on a long, blathering rant right here about how FUCKING WRONG this kid is for thinking that "it means something" that he can do this and comparing it to a lion "not feeling guilty" about eating a gazelle, or a human killing a fly, but I won't. Because anybody with a brain would realize how full of shit he is. I sure hope the writers didn't think seriously about what he was saying... because if they were, and this was serious, then I'm sad. But at least it ended with him crushing a car, so that was saved from stupid with awesome.
Oh look, the "rules" are back. You know, those things that they broke at a talent show and at a party and everybody thought it was cool. And his cousin is making threats, how cute. He always seemed to be the least powerful of them... unless this turns out to be a thing where suddenly he's the most powerful. Is this going to be a Goku thing, where he starts out weaker than the "bad guy" and gets powerful enough to win in the end? Star Wars and DBZ... this movie is making me think weird things.
So what was the point of him putting on the whole firefighter outfit? To hide his identity? Because he's doing a poor job, what with having his backpacking on and not wearing any gloves. I know he's not technically in the system, but if somebody can ID him and they bring him in, they'll take his prints, match it against those he left and have a match. Or he could just use his powers to not leave prints... except he did when he kicked the crap out of those "neighborhood douchebags".
Being a dumbass, Andrew blows up a gun and ends up in the hospital, while drunk dad starts crying. I guess this is another attempt at making him a sympathetic character. Or not, because now he's whining about how he was "always there" for the now dead mother while Andrew was out "screwing around". Because having a life is totally screwing around, right? And he's demanding an apology. And goes on a rant how it's Andrew's fault his mother is dead.
I hope he killed him, I really do. I think so, since his cousin has a nose bleed, the same kind when the other main character was killed by Andrew. Blog girl is also there going on about said nose bleed, too. Ah fuck, he's not dead... I think. He was going to drop the drunk, but his cousin saved him, putting their powers out in public, so this may get real good. Except not because a helicopter just crashed off screen; that's gonna be the level of violence, huh. And it's getting all shaky cam now.
Oh, so that's how it ends, his cousin impales him on a huge lance. Which isn't as cool as it sounds, because they weren't fighting; Andrew was just standing there, screaming and powering up, so his cousin used a statue's spear to stab him. Then he flew to CGI Tibet and the movie ended.
Well then... this was basically a high school power fantasy that turned into a mix of DBZ and Star Wars. It made for a better downfall of Anakin Skywalker movie than the prequels ever could have been, but at the end of the day it was held back by its rating. It could have been an amazing film if it were given the freedom an R rating could have given. Too bogged down by teenage nonsense with a bad ending, the film is decent... but not what I was hoping for.
Monday, March 31, 2014
Star Wars: The Clone Wars
You know, that 2008 "movie" which was just four episodes of the show
slapped together to get more money out of the people who somehow enjoyed
the prequels. I've never seen the series, nor do I really plan to, so
this is gonna be all kinds of not fun for fans of the show. And the
"movie". And the prequels. And maybe anything Star Wars related that
isn't Empire Strikes Back, because that was the only film I actually
really liked. But now I'm way off topic...
I'll be honest, back in A New Hope when I heard about the Clone Wars I thought it was going to be something awesome like the Republic being invaded by clone hordes, not what it became; clones against robots in a war for which side could make me care the least because they're both made of disposable things. This "movie" tries to give personality to the clones, but it fails to get any reaction out of me... because, well, the prequel films don't mesh with this. If you jump from this to Episode 3, you don't get any of that; they're back to just being disposable. Also that one bit where Anakin goes back to help some, in what I can only assume, was an attempt to make us think he's not such a bad guy, a bit which moot because of EVERYTHING ELSE we see of him in the prequel films that isn't him as a kid.
There's also a special place in my colon for the people who still thought having the droids talk amongst themselves and try to have some kind of personality was a good idea. I don't know why they decided to keep the droids talking to one another in there when having a personality is so against the point of war droids. They're meant to just take orders and shoot, not converse about deflector shields. But hey, I guess they need something to do between being useless and even more useless because Jedi can just deflect their shots and cut them down faster than I'm sure somebody who likes the prequels will type a response trying to defend the savior, Lord Lucas, the one true messiah while also threatening me with The Force because Jedi is their religion.
Which is actually a thing, sadly enough.
So I have to ask; what exactly is the point of Ahsoka? I mean, other than being a fanservice character that gives people who do fan art and fanfics new fodder for their various uses, most of which I'm sure are focused on her over use of the term master. Is she there to try and make Anakin more likable by taking his place as the brash, overly confident, always rushing into things by not thinking character who you just want to punch? Is she an attempt to humanize Anakin, and make him seem less like a jackass by giving him something to care about? That's kind of too late and pointless, since he was written so poorly and came off so horrible in the actual films that there's simply no way to salvage his character. I mean, if you jump from this film to Episode 3, he's back to being the worst in the film.
Is she there just to make me angry by being a snippy little brat who I have a hard time believing made it in the Jedi Order to this point with her attitude? But then again, Anakin made it and his response to everything was to whine, cry and lament that if only he were more power while still thinking Obi-Wan is jealous of his ability. Maybe that's the key; show us that he's more mature now by hitting us with a character who may as well have been Anakin in the other prequel films, only with a tube top. And breasts. And is orange. Actually, that just sounds like a modified version of second question, yet it may be the best answer. It would be a reason why he's so quick to accept her; makes him look better in front of the others... when he's not treating the war as a game.
As I said before, the Clone Wars were basically fought by two groups of disposable things. The prequels didn't give any sense of them having any real effect on the galaxy at large and this "film" follows suit. Anakin treats an assault on a monetary that will give them a supposed advantage as a game with the new Mary Sue character. The droids are idiots when talking to one another and cannot ever hope to be competent despite being machines built for large scale military conflicts. They're simply a vague threat to everything not a Jedi, and even when taking part in something serious like battle they break into comic relief for no real reason. It's nowhere near as bad as in the opening minutes of Episode 3 in terms of tone whiplash, but then I don't think anything could equal that.
But back to Anakin, this "film" tries its hardest to keep away from the brooding, dark tool that he was in Episodes 2 and 3, to the point where he's actually out of character with them. Perhaps if this were his character all along I, and so many others might have liked him more. He almost sort of feels like what he should have been from the start, and his interactions with Obi-Wan are nowhere near as painful and forced as they were in the other films. Perhaps the people who wrote this actually paid attention to what Obi-Wan said in Episode 4 and tried to write them properly, unlike Lucas who only took stuff from the original trilogy as a means to sell merchandise through nostalgia and thinly connect things through cosmetic ties and references that only NERDS would get.
Nerds like me.
There's also a Sith that seems to have a thing against Anakin, but for what reason I haven't a clue. Obi-Wan seems to know her as well and makes it sound like they've had numerous run ins, yet there was never any mention of her at all in the prequels proper, nor in this "film". At least with the orange girl they bothered to introduce her, rather than simply throw her in there and then act as though she always was there. But then again, the same could be said for clones like Rex and this other one named Oddball for some reason. Maybe she, like them, were characters from that other Clone Wars cartoon that I also never watched.
But instead of trying to give some kind of proper back story, or at least mention what her problem is, they just push in yet another lightsaber duel for the people who can only reach sexual release by watching people slap shiny energy beams together in highly choreographed dances. Then they have another one with no tension or impact because we know both characters are going to be fine. That's the major problem with this "film", there is no tension. We know Obi-Wan, Anakin and Dooku are going to survive to go on to Episode 3. We know that no matter what happens, things will end the way they do in Episode 3... and we know that as the new character, the Mary Sue in a tube top is going to live. No named character is really in danger of anything at all. It's nearly 100 minutes of pointless filler in a story that has been torn apart and riffed on by people far more qualified and funny than me. It's fleshing out a story that, at the end of the day, will have no major impact on anything because we know how poorly it ends, and given that nothing of this is ever mentioned in Episode 3, has a canon status that is equal to the expanded universe. A status which has been destroyed by Disney to make way for their own trilogy.
At the end of the day, I cannot say I outright hated this film like I can the prequel trilogy. They seemed to try and make Anakin and Obi-Wan right, which is something that Lucas gave up on and wrote them so out of character that it seemed like even he didn't bother watching the original trilogy at all, or at the very least since their original release. Every other time he released new versions, I'm sure he fast forwarded over the parts where the characters talked to get to where he could shove more CGI nonsense in. At least when characters talked, it wasn't done in shot, reverse shot while Lucas sat in a chair with his coffee, it was more dynamic, characters seemed to have some emotion on their faces, there was action, movement. Things happened beyond sitting on couches or walking against a green screen talking instead of taking action. But it was also just like the prequels in that it was dumbed down, dumb action in a war between things nobody cared about, needless comic relief and so much use of a lightsaber that the whole awesomeness behind it has been utterly ruined.
I'm not sure if I should laugh or cry that they managed to make Anakin more in character to what he originally should have been, had more dynamic everything and had more emotional range with full CGI and not being the original creators than Lucas ever could with real actors and being the man who penned six films of full, proper canon.
Maybe I'll laugh while I cry.
I'll be honest, back in A New Hope when I heard about the Clone Wars I thought it was going to be something awesome like the Republic being invaded by clone hordes, not what it became; clones against robots in a war for which side could make me care the least because they're both made of disposable things. This "movie" tries to give personality to the clones, but it fails to get any reaction out of me... because, well, the prequel films don't mesh with this. If you jump from this to Episode 3, you don't get any of that; they're back to just being disposable. Also that one bit where Anakin goes back to help some, in what I can only assume, was an attempt to make us think he's not such a bad guy, a bit which moot because of EVERYTHING ELSE we see of him in the prequel films that isn't him as a kid.
There's also a special place in my colon for the people who still thought having the droids talk amongst themselves and try to have some kind of personality was a good idea. I don't know why they decided to keep the droids talking to one another in there when having a personality is so against the point of war droids. They're meant to just take orders and shoot, not converse about deflector shields. But hey, I guess they need something to do between being useless and even more useless because Jedi can just deflect their shots and cut them down faster than I'm sure somebody who likes the prequels will type a response trying to defend the savior, Lord Lucas, the one true messiah while also threatening me with The Force because Jedi is their religion.
Which is actually a thing, sadly enough.
So I have to ask; what exactly is the point of Ahsoka? I mean, other than being a fanservice character that gives people who do fan art and fanfics new fodder for their various uses, most of which I'm sure are focused on her over use of the term master. Is she there to try and make Anakin more likable by taking his place as the brash, overly confident, always rushing into things by not thinking character who you just want to punch? Is she an attempt to humanize Anakin, and make him seem less like a jackass by giving him something to care about? That's kind of too late and pointless, since he was written so poorly and came off so horrible in the actual films that there's simply no way to salvage his character. I mean, if you jump from this film to Episode 3, he's back to being the worst in the film.
Is she there just to make me angry by being a snippy little brat who I have a hard time believing made it in the Jedi Order to this point with her attitude? But then again, Anakin made it and his response to everything was to whine, cry and lament that if only he were more power while still thinking Obi-Wan is jealous of his ability. Maybe that's the key; show us that he's more mature now by hitting us with a character who may as well have been Anakin in the other prequel films, only with a tube top. And breasts. And is orange. Actually, that just sounds like a modified version of second question, yet it may be the best answer. It would be a reason why he's so quick to accept her; makes him look better in front of the others... when he's not treating the war as a game.
As I said before, the Clone Wars were basically fought by two groups of disposable things. The prequels didn't give any sense of them having any real effect on the galaxy at large and this "film" follows suit. Anakin treats an assault on a monetary that will give them a supposed advantage as a game with the new Mary Sue character. The droids are idiots when talking to one another and cannot ever hope to be competent despite being machines built for large scale military conflicts. They're simply a vague threat to everything not a Jedi, and even when taking part in something serious like battle they break into comic relief for no real reason. It's nowhere near as bad as in the opening minutes of Episode 3 in terms of tone whiplash, but then I don't think anything could equal that.
But back to Anakin, this "film" tries its hardest to keep away from the brooding, dark tool that he was in Episodes 2 and 3, to the point where he's actually out of character with them. Perhaps if this were his character all along I, and so many others might have liked him more. He almost sort of feels like what he should have been from the start, and his interactions with Obi-Wan are nowhere near as painful and forced as they were in the other films. Perhaps the people who wrote this actually paid attention to what Obi-Wan said in Episode 4 and tried to write them properly, unlike Lucas who only took stuff from the original trilogy as a means to sell merchandise through nostalgia and thinly connect things through cosmetic ties and references that only NERDS would get.
Nerds like me.
There's also a Sith that seems to have a thing against Anakin, but for what reason I haven't a clue. Obi-Wan seems to know her as well and makes it sound like they've had numerous run ins, yet there was never any mention of her at all in the prequels proper, nor in this "film". At least with the orange girl they bothered to introduce her, rather than simply throw her in there and then act as though she always was there. But then again, the same could be said for clones like Rex and this other one named Oddball for some reason. Maybe she, like them, were characters from that other Clone Wars cartoon that I also never watched.
But instead of trying to give some kind of proper back story, or at least mention what her problem is, they just push in yet another lightsaber duel for the people who can only reach sexual release by watching people slap shiny energy beams together in highly choreographed dances. Then they have another one with no tension or impact because we know both characters are going to be fine. That's the major problem with this "film", there is no tension. We know Obi-Wan, Anakin and Dooku are going to survive to go on to Episode 3. We know that no matter what happens, things will end the way they do in Episode 3... and we know that as the new character, the Mary Sue in a tube top is going to live. No named character is really in danger of anything at all. It's nearly 100 minutes of pointless filler in a story that has been torn apart and riffed on by people far more qualified and funny than me. It's fleshing out a story that, at the end of the day, will have no major impact on anything because we know how poorly it ends, and given that nothing of this is ever mentioned in Episode 3, has a canon status that is equal to the expanded universe. A status which has been destroyed by Disney to make way for their own trilogy.
At the end of the day, I cannot say I outright hated this film like I can the prequel trilogy. They seemed to try and make Anakin and Obi-Wan right, which is something that Lucas gave up on and wrote them so out of character that it seemed like even he didn't bother watching the original trilogy at all, or at the very least since their original release. Every other time he released new versions, I'm sure he fast forwarded over the parts where the characters talked to get to where he could shove more CGI nonsense in. At least when characters talked, it wasn't done in shot, reverse shot while Lucas sat in a chair with his coffee, it was more dynamic, characters seemed to have some emotion on their faces, there was action, movement. Things happened beyond sitting on couches or walking against a green screen talking instead of taking action. But it was also just like the prequels in that it was dumbed down, dumb action in a war between things nobody cared about, needless comic relief and so much use of a lightsaber that the whole awesomeness behind it has been utterly ruined.
I'm not sure if I should laugh or cry that they managed to make Anakin more in character to what he originally should have been, had more dynamic everything and had more emotional range with full CGI and not being the original creators than Lucas ever could with real actors and being the man who penned six films of full, proper canon.
Maybe I'll laugh while I cry.
Tuesday, March 11, 2014
Starship Troopers 2 and 3
Starship Troopers 2: Hero of the Federation
Started out looking like some horribly low budget Blip.tv show, then settled into a horrible low budget SyFy Original. Until they showed nipples, then it suddenly became bloody and crazy, to the point of cutting off a head with a meat cleaver, then sticking said head into a microwave.
The concept of the plot was sound, and even interesting. The whole thing about the bugs taking over humans could have been great if it were written in any competent way. However, they either found the worst writers they could, or simply had one of the terrible actors take a crack at it; either way, the plot was wasted.
Terribly acted, terrible special effects, terrible practical effects, terrible plot... I should have known not to watch it the moment I saw that LEDs on the guns were the actual effect they used to show weapons fire.
Whoever watched this travesty and greenlit it to be pressed to DVDs or uploaded to the Internet should be shot in the ass with a crossbow.
Starship Troopers 3: Marauder
Right off the bat, I want to say that the CGI in this film looks somehow cheaper than that in the second film, which had a 7 million dollar budget compared to this ones 20 million. But at the same time, they had multiple times more special effects than the second film, so I suppose it was a case of stretching it as far as they could. Plus they had many more physical sets. And guns that didn't use LEDs to show shooting effects. Though the guns in this film were comically large and obviously made of plastic.
Anyway, I've read several reviews of this film and many give it flak for not being "as good" as the first film and not being faithful to the book. Which is hilarious when you think about it, as the first film was heavily criticized for not being at all faithful to the book. So how is it that people can now praise the first film and call this bad because it did exactly what the first film did? I haven't seen Invasion yet, nor have I read anything about it but I wonder, will people be giving this film praise and calling that one out on not being faithful to the book as well?
But enough of that, on to the movie itself... and, well, it's meh. It's better than the second film to be sure, but I'll let you in on a secret; I haven't seen the first film completely, and it's been years since I last saw any of it. I know the ending and bits, but I cannot say with all proper due if this is better or worse than the first. But I can say that it's not an amazing film. It's nowhere near as painful as the second film, a point I'm sure I'll belabor a few more times before this is done.
The return of Rico is a big selling point of the movie, but again didn't see the first one completely, so maybe I'm missing out on something here. Not that it matters much; he's barely in the film for more than maybe 20 minutes all told in what's about 96 minutes without credits. His performance isn't anything to write home about, a fact I'm confused by because so many say his acting is one of the few good points in the film. But he's one of the many average, not very noteworthy performances in the film; in a film ripe for scene stealing nobody could deliver. Instead we get generic tougher soldier woman, a woman with a thick accent trying real hard to speak English, the paper pusher who is by the numbers and doesn't understand the real nature of war and people you wish would die... but to say if they do or not would ruin all the fun of sitting through this.
The action, what little there is, is much better than the second film, but it's separated by long, boring stretches of... get ready for it... walking in the desert. Congratulations, you were doing in 2008 what they had been doing in Stargate for years, only much worse because that show actually was interesting. And you know, that show had a much better play on religion as well.
Yeah, the elephant in the room that is religion. Now, I'm not sure if they were mocking it or not. I'm pretty sure they were, and in the end they were making a statement about using it to control the masses. But at the same time, several characters seemed to be genuinely convinced of their faith and conversion (as well as the acting allowed, anyway). I'm not quite sure if that was an under the table stab at those with faith or their attempt at trying to not be as offensive.
So, as an action movie it's not very action heavy. As a sequel it's better than 2, but I cannot say anything about 1. As an effects movie... ha ha ha no. As a movie overall, it's poor; the action is little and far between, the effects are horrible, the guns are made of plastic and something you would seem in slight miniature, packaged with cheap action figures from the Dollar Store/Tree/whatever or Poundland or any other super cheap store that sells them. The acting isn't anything special, the plot is generic and, while not painful to sit through, it's just an overall not enjoyable experience.
Guess I gotta watch Starship Troopers now to see where I stand with that. And Invasion. Though, being Japanese... well... let's just leave it at that.
Started out looking like some horribly low budget Blip.tv show, then settled into a horrible low budget SyFy Original. Until they showed nipples, then it suddenly became bloody and crazy, to the point of cutting off a head with a meat cleaver, then sticking said head into a microwave.
The concept of the plot was sound, and even interesting. The whole thing about the bugs taking over humans could have been great if it were written in any competent way. However, they either found the worst writers they could, or simply had one of the terrible actors take a crack at it; either way, the plot was wasted.
Terribly acted, terrible special effects, terrible practical effects, terrible plot... I should have known not to watch it the moment I saw that LEDs on the guns were the actual effect they used to show weapons fire.
Whoever watched this travesty and greenlit it to be pressed to DVDs or uploaded to the Internet should be shot in the ass with a crossbow.
Starship Troopers 3: Marauder
Right off the bat, I want to say that the CGI in this film looks somehow cheaper than that in the second film, which had a 7 million dollar budget compared to this ones 20 million. But at the same time, they had multiple times more special effects than the second film, so I suppose it was a case of stretching it as far as they could. Plus they had many more physical sets. And guns that didn't use LEDs to show shooting effects. Though the guns in this film were comically large and obviously made of plastic.
Anyway, I've read several reviews of this film and many give it flak for not being "as good" as the first film and not being faithful to the book. Which is hilarious when you think about it, as the first film was heavily criticized for not being at all faithful to the book. So how is it that people can now praise the first film and call this bad because it did exactly what the first film did? I haven't seen Invasion yet, nor have I read anything about it but I wonder, will people be giving this film praise and calling that one out on not being faithful to the book as well?
But enough of that, on to the movie itself... and, well, it's meh. It's better than the second film to be sure, but I'll let you in on a secret; I haven't seen the first film completely, and it's been years since I last saw any of it. I know the ending and bits, but I cannot say with all proper due if this is better or worse than the first. But I can say that it's not an amazing film. It's nowhere near as painful as the second film, a point I'm sure I'll belabor a few more times before this is done.
The return of Rico is a big selling point of the movie, but again didn't see the first one completely, so maybe I'm missing out on something here. Not that it matters much; he's barely in the film for more than maybe 20 minutes all told in what's about 96 minutes without credits. His performance isn't anything to write home about, a fact I'm confused by because so many say his acting is one of the few good points in the film. But he's one of the many average, not very noteworthy performances in the film; in a film ripe for scene stealing nobody could deliver. Instead we get generic tougher soldier woman, a woman with a thick accent trying real hard to speak English, the paper pusher who is by the numbers and doesn't understand the real nature of war and people you wish would die... but to say if they do or not would ruin all the fun of sitting through this.
The action, what little there is, is much better than the second film, but it's separated by long, boring stretches of... get ready for it... walking in the desert. Congratulations, you were doing in 2008 what they had been doing in Stargate for years, only much worse because that show actually was interesting. And you know, that show had a much better play on religion as well.
Yeah, the elephant in the room that is religion. Now, I'm not sure if they were mocking it or not. I'm pretty sure they were, and in the end they were making a statement about using it to control the masses. But at the same time, several characters seemed to be genuinely convinced of their faith and conversion (as well as the acting allowed, anyway). I'm not quite sure if that was an under the table stab at those with faith or their attempt at trying to not be as offensive.
So, as an action movie it's not very action heavy. As a sequel it's better than 2, but I cannot say anything about 1. As an effects movie... ha ha ha no. As a movie overall, it's poor; the action is little and far between, the effects are horrible, the guns are made of plastic and something you would seem in slight miniature, packaged with cheap action figures from the Dollar Store/Tree/whatever or Poundland or any other super cheap store that sells them. The acting isn't anything special, the plot is generic and, while not painful to sit through, it's just an overall not enjoyable experience.
Guess I gotta watch Starship Troopers now to see where I stand with that. And Invasion. Though, being Japanese... well... let's just leave it at that.
Monday, March 10, 2014
Robin Hood: Men In Tights
My first time actually seeing this movie in a not cut down for TV version... but being PG-13 to begin with, it was amazing that they even needed to cut anything to begin with. Other than the very few dirty, filthy words. And somehow the term pansies. And saying that they're bunched when it came to their tights. Those censors always confused me, especially since I have seen different edits that don't mute them... or mute one but not the other. On the same station.
... Anyway... standard Mel Brooks stuff, this film. Singing pushed into something that normally wouldn't get a musical number, Mel Brooks cameos, some humor elements that make you question why it's a thing to begin with because it falls flat. Sadly, instead of JEWS IN SPACE... or the forests, we instead get a bunch of white guys pretending to be British and Dave Chappelle being not nearly offensive enough to really be funny; but again PG-13. But then, thankfully this film was made in 1993 instead of now, because I assure you the Arabs in this film would have been about a dozen times more offensive than... erm... well, the whole portrayal wasn't offensive at all. Actually I thought the guy who welcomed Robin to the dungeon was likely one of the most humorous characters in the film for how long he appeared. But you know it would have been now.
And Isaac Hayes wouldn't have been in it because of the death thing. Though, considering he was in the film for all of five minutes and wasn't anything special, it wouldn't have been a deal. Kind of the same for Patrick Stewart, except he's not dead. But he didn't do much in the film. At all. Except be an excuse to make a History of the World, Part 1 reference that I'm sure none of the teenagers who saw this movie in theaters at the time would get. Or today, really. Which should be a criminal act.
Where was I going with this? Oh, right, JEWS IN SPACE! No, wait, absurdest Robin Hood. It's one of those difficult things to describe, in all honestly, why I didn't find this film as funny as some other of his earlier works, but then it's hard to really describe any kind of humor that works for you as well. To me, the film simply wasn't up to snuff when compared to Spaceballs or HotWP1, but that's all subjective. There are genuinely funny moments of course, and I honestly think some of the moments I enjoyed the most were ad-libbed. But other moments fell flat, like the constant word mixing of the Sheriff of Rottingham; call me crazy but I simply didn't find that funny after the first time, or the boy who ran home screaming once he was saved in a seemingly obvious Home Alone parody, or the 12th Century Fox who made the Flipper noise when running, or really anything with Blinkin.
Not because I can't laugh at comedy with the disabled, but rather because it simply wasn't funny. I'm not sure what they were thinking with his character, but all attempts at humor involving him fell flat. There was also the fat nanny who was more annoying than some kind of comic relief. If anything, she reminded me too much of Nanny from Voltron, whom I have always hated. I'm sure she was better in Go-Lion though... wait, getting off topic again.
The film has its problems, yes. Many pieces of comedy fall flat, the musical numbers are in no real way as memorable as HotWP1, the inclusion of the rappers at the start and end were not needed at all... but the movie does have strengths as well, and those are worth watching the film for. I don't want to say them because that would be ruining half the fun; let's be honest, the worst thing you can do is recommend a comedy and then tell somebody all the A material. And hey, maybe you'll find some of the stuff to be funny that I didn't.
As a Mel Brooks film, it's no Spaceballs or History of the World, Part 1... but hey, not everything can be gold. It's still a mostly enjoyable film, and that's what counts.
... Anyway... standard Mel Brooks stuff, this film. Singing pushed into something that normally wouldn't get a musical number, Mel Brooks cameos, some humor elements that make you question why it's a thing to begin with because it falls flat. Sadly, instead of JEWS IN SPACE... or the forests, we instead get a bunch of white guys pretending to be British and Dave Chappelle being not nearly offensive enough to really be funny; but again PG-13. But then, thankfully this film was made in 1993 instead of now, because I assure you the Arabs in this film would have been about a dozen times more offensive than... erm... well, the whole portrayal wasn't offensive at all. Actually I thought the guy who welcomed Robin to the dungeon was likely one of the most humorous characters in the film for how long he appeared. But you know it would have been now.
And Isaac Hayes wouldn't have been in it because of the death thing. Though, considering he was in the film for all of five minutes and wasn't anything special, it wouldn't have been a deal. Kind of the same for Patrick Stewart, except he's not dead. But he didn't do much in the film. At all. Except be an excuse to make a History of the World, Part 1 reference that I'm sure none of the teenagers who saw this movie in theaters at the time would get. Or today, really. Which should be a criminal act.
Where was I going with this? Oh, right, JEWS IN SPACE! No, wait, absurdest Robin Hood. It's one of those difficult things to describe, in all honestly, why I didn't find this film as funny as some other of his earlier works, but then it's hard to really describe any kind of humor that works for you as well. To me, the film simply wasn't up to snuff when compared to Spaceballs or HotWP1, but that's all subjective. There are genuinely funny moments of course, and I honestly think some of the moments I enjoyed the most were ad-libbed. But other moments fell flat, like the constant word mixing of the Sheriff of Rottingham; call me crazy but I simply didn't find that funny after the first time, or the boy who ran home screaming once he was saved in a seemingly obvious Home Alone parody, or the 12th Century Fox who made the Flipper noise when running, or really anything with Blinkin.
Not because I can't laugh at comedy with the disabled, but rather because it simply wasn't funny. I'm not sure what they were thinking with his character, but all attempts at humor involving him fell flat. There was also the fat nanny who was more annoying than some kind of comic relief. If anything, she reminded me too much of Nanny from Voltron, whom I have always hated. I'm sure she was better in Go-Lion though... wait, getting off topic again.
The film has its problems, yes. Many pieces of comedy fall flat, the musical numbers are in no real way as memorable as HotWP1, the inclusion of the rappers at the start and end were not needed at all... but the movie does have strengths as well, and those are worth watching the film for. I don't want to say them because that would be ruining half the fun; let's be honest, the worst thing you can do is recommend a comedy and then tell somebody all the A material. And hey, maybe you'll find some of the stuff to be funny that I didn't.
As a Mel Brooks film, it's no Spaceballs or History of the World, Part 1... but hey, not everything can be gold. It's still a mostly enjoyable film, and that's what counts.
Friday, March 7, 2014
The latest two... Star Trek... movies...
I could just write a long, winding tirade about everything I hated in these films. I could incite violence, blood shed and describe various lurid scenarios in which I wanted to see people die. But I'm not going to, because that would accomplish nothing except get me potentially put into a straight jacket and locked away in a padded room for who knows how long.
So instead I'll just mention a few things;
1) What was Nero doing for those 20+ years? I know that in a deleted scene they actually explain this, but in the theatrical it's never touched upon. Why is that? Were they expecting us to just assume he was sticking his thumbs up his ass the entire time?
2) Not a single member of Nero's crew realized just how insane everybody else has become and didn't object to galactic genocide? Even that piece of garbage Nemesis proved that there were Romulan's who were horrified at such a concept, and that was only Earth as the target.
3) The entire concept of red matter. People love to talk shit about Voyager for the amount of things it just pulled out of its ass, but this is worse than even Threshold. I mean, even that gave some solid evidence as to why Warp 10 was never going to be used. Again, anyway.
4) One star exploding was a threat to the entire galaxy? Even if it was the single largest ball of gas that could in theory exist, no star could ever be that much of a threat, even if it collapsed into a black hole.
5) The black hole at the end of the movie. What the fuck? If one tiny drop of Red Matter could create a decently sized black hole, shouldn't the massive amount in Spock's ship have created something on the scale of the super massive black hole in the center of the galaxy? And to get away the Enterprise ejected what seemed like half a dozen warp cores, whose explosions pushed them... away?
6) So how many warp cores come standard on ships in this new universe, and why didn't the ship lose power instantly after the fact because all of the power needed to run TOS era ships was generated from matter/anti-matter reaction of the warp core?
7) What the Hell ever happened to Kirk's mother? She's mentioned once after the whole opening and then she just vanishes.
8) Old Spock completely ignores the Temporal Prime Directive. Worse, he doesn't even bother to try and correct the timeline, he just lets it go. Why would he ever do this?
9) For a race that's supposed to be about logic and conquering their emotions because they view them as causing nothing but problems, those Vulcan's sure are bigots towards human hybrids. You know, the species that helped them found the Federation and they've been working with for well over a century now.
10) Engineering... oh god, what did they do to you. You used to be my favorite part of any starship, now you're just something you'd see in a normal water based ship.
And the sequel...
11) Spock complains about Kirk breaking the Prime Directive while he's busying doing the exact same thing by freezing a volcano to save an entire pre-warp civilization. I would expect this sort of thing from Kirk, but not Spock.
2) Why did they sink the Enterprise to the bottom of an ocean? No really, why? They never explained that, and doing so only increased the risk of revealing their ship. They could have just stayed in orbit and nobody there would have been the wiser.
3) Nobody saw any of this coming when they hot shotted Kirk to captain in the last movie? Is everybody higher up incompetent? Well actually a lot of Trek has shown that yes, this is true...
4) Why was the super ship following the same basic design as the Enterprise? What, do all Federation ships now have the same design?
5) Why would you even bother linking the Eugenics Wars to new Trek? That's one of those things that even old Trek wanted to do away with, especially considering that we're now almost two decades ahead of when it was supposed to happen.
6) Spock sacrificing himself to save everybody was a powerful thing in Star Trek II. They tried to do the same with Kirk, but it didn't have any of the impact. Worse, it pissed me off when they tried to it and act like this was some emotional thing. Maybe this is because I just don't like new Kirk and Spock... or maybe because this was just another attempt at stealing something from a superior source and changing it just enough to not make it the exact same while still abusing nostalgia.
7) Khan's blood can cure death? Seriously? The Genesis Planet causing Spock's rebirth was stupid, but this is even worse! Since they stuck him into stasis at the end of the film, they now have the single greatest medical advancement known to the Federation... which I'm sure they'll never use in any of the sequels.
So instead I'll just mention a few things;
1) What was Nero doing for those 20+ years? I know that in a deleted scene they actually explain this, but in the theatrical it's never touched upon. Why is that? Were they expecting us to just assume he was sticking his thumbs up his ass the entire time?
2) Not a single member of Nero's crew realized just how insane everybody else has become and didn't object to galactic genocide? Even that piece of garbage Nemesis proved that there were Romulan's who were horrified at such a concept, and that was only Earth as the target.
3) The entire concept of red matter. People love to talk shit about Voyager for the amount of things it just pulled out of its ass, but this is worse than even Threshold. I mean, even that gave some solid evidence as to why Warp 10 was never going to be used. Again, anyway.
4) One star exploding was a threat to the entire galaxy? Even if it was the single largest ball of gas that could in theory exist, no star could ever be that much of a threat, even if it collapsed into a black hole.
5) The black hole at the end of the movie. What the fuck? If one tiny drop of Red Matter could create a decently sized black hole, shouldn't the massive amount in Spock's ship have created something on the scale of the super massive black hole in the center of the galaxy? And to get away the Enterprise ejected what seemed like half a dozen warp cores, whose explosions pushed them... away?
6) So how many warp cores come standard on ships in this new universe, and why didn't the ship lose power instantly after the fact because all of the power needed to run TOS era ships was generated from matter/anti-matter reaction of the warp core?
7) What the Hell ever happened to Kirk's mother? She's mentioned once after the whole opening and then she just vanishes.
8) Old Spock completely ignores the Temporal Prime Directive. Worse, he doesn't even bother to try and correct the timeline, he just lets it go. Why would he ever do this?
9) For a race that's supposed to be about logic and conquering their emotions because they view them as causing nothing but problems, those Vulcan's sure are bigots towards human hybrids. You know, the species that helped them found the Federation and they've been working with for well over a century now.
10) Engineering... oh god, what did they do to you. You used to be my favorite part of any starship, now you're just something you'd see in a normal water based ship.
And the sequel...
11) Spock complains about Kirk breaking the Prime Directive while he's busying doing the exact same thing by freezing a volcano to save an entire pre-warp civilization. I would expect this sort of thing from Kirk, but not Spock.
2) Why did they sink the Enterprise to the bottom of an ocean? No really, why? They never explained that, and doing so only increased the risk of revealing their ship. They could have just stayed in orbit and nobody there would have been the wiser.
3) Nobody saw any of this coming when they hot shotted Kirk to captain in the last movie? Is everybody higher up incompetent? Well actually a lot of Trek has shown that yes, this is true...
4) Why was the super ship following the same basic design as the Enterprise? What, do all Federation ships now have the same design?
5) Why would you even bother linking the Eugenics Wars to new Trek? That's one of those things that even old Trek wanted to do away with, especially considering that we're now almost two decades ahead of when it was supposed to happen.
6) Spock sacrificing himself to save everybody was a powerful thing in Star Trek II. They tried to do the same with Kirk, but it didn't have any of the impact. Worse, it pissed me off when they tried to it and act like this was some emotional thing. Maybe this is because I just don't like new Kirk and Spock... or maybe because this was just another attempt at stealing something from a superior source and changing it just enough to not make it the exact same while still abusing nostalgia.
7) Khan's blood can cure death? Seriously? The Genesis Planet causing Spock's rebirth was stupid, but this is even worse! Since they stuck him into stasis at the end of the film, they now have the single greatest medical advancement known to the Federation... which I'm sure they'll never use in any of the sequels.
Predator, Predator 2 and Predators
Yet another of those "classic" films that I had only seen for the very first time just recently, Predator is every bit
as amazing as people said it was. This was back when Arnold was in his prime, back
when R rated movies were amazing and weren't cut down to get a PG
rating, back when films weren't afraid to be bloody and violent and
gory, back when you could just have a bunch of US military style guys
murdering the Hell out of people in a jungle and cheer for them. Back
when films weren't about lens flares and science fiction wasn't all
about terrible CGI.
I know I sound like that guy now, but it's an amazing film, something you could never make these days and have it be as good. If you were like me and have yet to see this film, you should do so now because you will not regret it.
Moving along, if there's one thing I can really complain about in the second film, it's that it felt like it had less Predator in it than the first. It dragged on with gang war nonsense that I didn't care about, and the Predator's role in everything up until the last forty minutes made me wonder if they were trying to make it seem more heroic or if they wanted to just one up the other film on body count. I suppose it's the nature of the hunter to take down dangerous prey for trophies, but given how the Predator seemed so focused on the main character even very early on, the film made it seem like the gang killings were just violence for the sake of it.
Or maybe it was some writers venting about gang violence happening during the production of the film?
Aside from that, what little of the actual Predator action there happened to be was on par with the first film. Actually better, when you consider the main character was nowhere near as built as the character of Dutch from the first one, which made the fight all the more amazing. Seeing the Predator of the film actually being killed by this smaller man, a fear not even somebody played by Arnold in his prime could do, made it all the more amazing and fulfilling.
Despite not being an amazing sequel, it's still worth a watch for the last forty minutes or so when, for me, the film really picks up. It's not worth skipping the first hour if you love violence and want more of the same you came to expect from the first film (a la skinning the prey, ripping out the spine and skull for trophies, impaling guys with arm blades, etc), but it gets bogged down with gang war stuff that, personally, I could have done without.
I must admit that Predators, for a movie from 2010, had a lot more practical effects and actual locations than I would have expected. I was rather pleased by the fact that they didn't just film the majority of the movie on a sound stage and add everything in post. Which didn't stop that from happening, mind; when they showed the sky of the world they were on, it was pure CG, the same with the crashed ship, likely of Predator design, later on in the film.
As an action film it's a passable, if pretty by the numbers movie; I knew exactly who would survive the moment I saw them, the only real surprise was the order in which the others died. As a Predator film, it feels as though the skill and mystery has diminished over time, to the point where they seemed more dependent on technology to be hunters.
I know, that's an odd thing to say about a series that started with a Predator using infrared vision and energy weapons to hunt, but in Predators they had heart monitors, augmented hearing and used hunting dogs while using less stalking with almost no picking people off one by one. But at least they finally sort of gave some proper use to the voice mimic that was introduced in the first film and was used for nearly no effect in it and the second.
I'm also half surprised by the R rating; I mean, short of one person getting blown to a bloody pulp, the violence wasn't near as bad as the first film. But I supposed what got it was language, because they dropped fuck nearly 50 times through the film. Now, in no way am I prude when it comes to filthy, deplorable words, but there comes a point when I wish they would have varied it up a little. When I hear the same expletive used so many times it loses all meaning and impact.
The biggest draw of the film is, not so oddly, the fact that there is full Predator on Predator fight near the end. Watching the two beat the crap out of one another was a joy to see, and made me wish there was more of that in the film, since they eluded to some blood feud for all of two lines and then dropped it completely. The real downsides, of course, are that it comes much too late in the film and that the knock down, drag out fight between the two large sacks of ugly lasts for less than a few minutes. After which, we're left with a "final confrontation" that both films previous did better.
As a stand alone film, I wouldn't really recommend it, but if you've seen Predator and Predator 2, it's worth a watch, if just to say you've seen every official Predator film that isn't the AvP movies.
Speaking of those movies... yeah, I saw them. I'll mention that in a later post.
I know I sound like that guy now, but it's an amazing film, something you could never make these days and have it be as good. If you were like me and have yet to see this film, you should do so now because you will not regret it.
Moving along, if there's one thing I can really complain about in the second film, it's that it felt like it had less Predator in it than the first. It dragged on with gang war nonsense that I didn't care about, and the Predator's role in everything up until the last forty minutes made me wonder if they were trying to make it seem more heroic or if they wanted to just one up the other film on body count. I suppose it's the nature of the hunter to take down dangerous prey for trophies, but given how the Predator seemed so focused on the main character even very early on, the film made it seem like the gang killings were just violence for the sake of it.
Or maybe it was some writers venting about gang violence happening during the production of the film?
Aside from that, what little of the actual Predator action there happened to be was on par with the first film. Actually better, when you consider the main character was nowhere near as built as the character of Dutch from the first one, which made the fight all the more amazing. Seeing the Predator of the film actually being killed by this smaller man, a fear not even somebody played by Arnold in his prime could do, made it all the more amazing and fulfilling.
Despite not being an amazing sequel, it's still worth a watch for the last forty minutes or so when, for me, the film really picks up. It's not worth skipping the first hour if you love violence and want more of the same you came to expect from the first film (a la skinning the prey, ripping out the spine and skull for trophies, impaling guys with arm blades, etc), but it gets bogged down with gang war stuff that, personally, I could have done without.
I must admit that Predators, for a movie from 2010, had a lot more practical effects and actual locations than I would have expected. I was rather pleased by the fact that they didn't just film the majority of the movie on a sound stage and add everything in post. Which didn't stop that from happening, mind; when they showed the sky of the world they were on, it was pure CG, the same with the crashed ship, likely of Predator design, later on in the film.
As an action film it's a passable, if pretty by the numbers movie; I knew exactly who would survive the moment I saw them, the only real surprise was the order in which the others died. As a Predator film, it feels as though the skill and mystery has diminished over time, to the point where they seemed more dependent on technology to be hunters.
I know, that's an odd thing to say about a series that started with a Predator using infrared vision and energy weapons to hunt, but in Predators they had heart monitors, augmented hearing and used hunting dogs while using less stalking with almost no picking people off one by one. But at least they finally sort of gave some proper use to the voice mimic that was introduced in the first film and was used for nearly no effect in it and the second.
I'm also half surprised by the R rating; I mean, short of one person getting blown to a bloody pulp, the violence wasn't near as bad as the first film. But I supposed what got it was language, because they dropped fuck nearly 50 times through the film. Now, in no way am I prude when it comes to filthy, deplorable words, but there comes a point when I wish they would have varied it up a little. When I hear the same expletive used so many times it loses all meaning and impact.
The biggest draw of the film is, not so oddly, the fact that there is full Predator on Predator fight near the end. Watching the two beat the crap out of one another was a joy to see, and made me wish there was more of that in the film, since they eluded to some blood feud for all of two lines and then dropped it completely. The real downsides, of course, are that it comes much too late in the film and that the knock down, drag out fight between the two large sacks of ugly lasts for less than a few minutes. After which, we're left with a "final confrontation" that both films previous did better.
As a stand alone film, I wouldn't really recommend it, but if you've seen Predator and Predator 2, it's worth a watch, if just to say you've seen every official Predator film that isn't the AvP movies.
Speaking of those movies... yeah, I saw them. I'll mention that in a later post.
Airplane! and Airplane II: The Sequel
Airplane! was yet another movie that I had seen bits and pieces of over the course of
my life, yet haven't actually sat down and watched it in full until just recently.
The thing is, it's a movie that I cannot do justice to with words; it's something you have to see to fully appreciate just how amazing it is. The amount of wit, visual humor and the sheer number of things it mocks in a manner that nearly all so called spoof movies from the last 20 years should take notes from in order to be even a tenth as amazing as this film is a sight to behold.
As for the sequel... yes, the movie had a different director and different writers. Yes, they reused jokes. Yes, they basically reused the plot. Yes, the film wasn't as good as the original. I grant you all of that and I'm sure more; but even still, I enjoyed the movie.
I honestly do believe that the parts they reused were the best of the first film, and while it suffered from a lack of Leslie Nielsen, I still believe it shined with the inclusion of William Shatner. For all of the fifteen minutes it seemed like he was in. He may not have been the best choice, but the man can still pull off comedy pretty well.
The thing is, it's a movie that I cannot do justice to with words; it's something you have to see to fully appreciate just how amazing it is. The amount of wit, visual humor and the sheer number of things it mocks in a manner that nearly all so called spoof movies from the last 20 years should take notes from in order to be even a tenth as amazing as this film is a sight to behold.
As for the sequel... yes, the movie had a different director and different writers. Yes, they reused jokes. Yes, they basically reused the plot. Yes, the film wasn't as good as the original. I grant you all of that and I'm sure more; but even still, I enjoyed the movie.
I honestly do believe that the parts they reused were the best of the first film, and while it suffered from a lack of Leslie Nielsen, I still believe it shined with the inclusion of William Shatner. For all of the fifteen minutes it seemed like he was in. He may not have been the best choice, but the man can still pull off comedy pretty well.
In the Name of the King 2: Two Worlds
The in name only sequel that nobody asked for and a film that dropped Dungeon Siege
completely... only to make it much worse. This film makes the first look
like the Lord of the Rings in both quality and scope. Let's not mince words
here; whatever strained connections the first film made to Ehb would
have been welcome in this cheap piece of garbage. I am literally
convinced that they went to a Canadian RenFaire in the middle of winter to film
the fort scenes, then took whoever was willing to LARP in the woods and
made them into "actors" for the combat scenes.
For a film that supposedly cost 4.5 million USD to make, I cannot see the quality. As I said, everything reeked of being at a RenFaire, and not a good one at that. The sort of thing put on by community theater folks on their off days in the hopes of being better tavern wenches in whatever small gigs come their way. Actually no, the acting in this film is below even community theater; I really do think this was the first actual acting role that a lot of these people had. And if there is any justice, it will be their last.
Dolph Lundgren, who was about 54 at the time of release looked about 65 years in the role; I was honestly waiting for him to turn into a pile of dust at some point. From what I've read, his character is supposed to be an Iraq war (the most recent) vet, which makes me wonder if this is some kind of underhanded stab at the US military for being so undermanned that they needed to use a man who looked like he would explode into a fine powder the moment somebody so much as touched him. Being the main character in a fantasy film is not something he's made for; any role in which he talks is an iffy affair, and any role that has him trying to emote is basically doomed to failure. Yet I got to watch him try to cry and have survivors guilt over members of his team having died.
Now, let's talk about the setting of the film for a moment. I mentioned RenFaire. I mentioned Iraq. This is a mostly in name only sequel to a fantasy film. How does this all work? Time travel.
No, really. Time travel. Instead of being two different worlds, it is time travel. Via magic. You know, that supernatural force that we don't have in real life, yet in this film about a character from the real, modern world, he gets whisked away via magic time travel to the past where magic is very real. This also brings the tenuous connection to the first film into question, because that too featured magic and the Krug, who were basically Orc like beasts in a landmass that has never existed in reality at any point, in a kingdom that has never once existed.
It only gets worse when the dragon shows up. Yeah, dragon. Dolph Lundgren runs into a dragon, yet sadly doesn't fight it. And this is where I think most of the money went... well, other than the amount of drugs and hookers needed to make this film not seem like the worst possible idea to even the most starving, desperate for any kind of work "actor" that was in this film. The dragon was CG and it didn't look that bad; it was actually one of the better CG dragons that I have seen. Really, in what little screen time it had, the CG dragon worked well with the backgrounds and the people it interacted with. When it attacked the cardboard fort, it looked more like a real dragon than the fort looked like a real fort, to the point where I would honestly believe that dragons are real in this world while forts are some kind of fiction.
The story itself is pretty horrible, and in one sense totally reuses a plot point from the first film. But let's get to the end, because god knows besides the dragon, it might be the best part of the movie. The ending has Dolph "fighting" the bad guy, who was named Raven. A fat guy named Raven who was LARPing a king. Now, I hope I'm not rocking your world world when I say that the fat Raven is killed, because any man who comes up against Dolph, even if he looks 70, who isn't Rocky Balboa who makes the most cornball of speeches ever, has to die. But after the fact, I sat there and wondered just how he's going to explain the corpse to the cops.
I mean, he can't tell them the truth; to do so would just make him look like a madman. Even in his 50s, I don't think they would have bought self defense against this pudgy looking LARPer who seemed to be fresh out of a basement. But I very much like to imagine that after the credits he goes to jail on murder charges, and upon telling the truth, he's committed to an insane asylum for the rest of his days... and that gives me more enjoyment than the entire film ever did.
For a film that supposedly cost 4.5 million USD to make, I cannot see the quality. As I said, everything reeked of being at a RenFaire, and not a good one at that. The sort of thing put on by community theater folks on their off days in the hopes of being better tavern wenches in whatever small gigs come their way. Actually no, the acting in this film is below even community theater; I really do think this was the first actual acting role that a lot of these people had. And if there is any justice, it will be their last.
Dolph Lundgren, who was about 54 at the time of release looked about 65 years in the role; I was honestly waiting for him to turn into a pile of dust at some point. From what I've read, his character is supposed to be an Iraq war (the most recent) vet, which makes me wonder if this is some kind of underhanded stab at the US military for being so undermanned that they needed to use a man who looked like he would explode into a fine powder the moment somebody so much as touched him. Being the main character in a fantasy film is not something he's made for; any role in which he talks is an iffy affair, and any role that has him trying to emote is basically doomed to failure. Yet I got to watch him try to cry and have survivors guilt over members of his team having died.
Now, let's talk about the setting of the film for a moment. I mentioned RenFaire. I mentioned Iraq. This is a mostly in name only sequel to a fantasy film. How does this all work? Time travel.
No, really. Time travel. Instead of being two different worlds, it is time travel. Via magic. You know, that supernatural force that we don't have in real life, yet in this film about a character from the real, modern world, he gets whisked away via magic time travel to the past where magic is very real. This also brings the tenuous connection to the first film into question, because that too featured magic and the Krug, who were basically Orc like beasts in a landmass that has never existed in reality at any point, in a kingdom that has never once existed.
It only gets worse when the dragon shows up. Yeah, dragon. Dolph Lundgren runs into a dragon, yet sadly doesn't fight it. And this is where I think most of the money went... well, other than the amount of drugs and hookers needed to make this film not seem like the worst possible idea to even the most starving, desperate for any kind of work "actor" that was in this film. The dragon was CG and it didn't look that bad; it was actually one of the better CG dragons that I have seen. Really, in what little screen time it had, the CG dragon worked well with the backgrounds and the people it interacted with. When it attacked the cardboard fort, it looked more like a real dragon than the fort looked like a real fort, to the point where I would honestly believe that dragons are real in this world while forts are some kind of fiction.
The story itself is pretty horrible, and in one sense totally reuses a plot point from the first film. But let's get to the end, because god knows besides the dragon, it might be the best part of the movie. The ending has Dolph "fighting" the bad guy, who was named Raven. A fat guy named Raven who was LARPing a king. Now, I hope I'm not rocking your world world when I say that the fat Raven is killed, because any man who comes up against Dolph, even if he looks 70, who isn't Rocky Balboa who makes the most cornball of speeches ever, has to die. But after the fact, I sat there and wondered just how he's going to explain the corpse to the cops.
I mean, he can't tell them the truth; to do so would just make him look like a madman. Even in his 50s, I don't think they would have bought self defense against this pudgy looking LARPer who seemed to be fresh out of a basement. But I very much like to imagine that after the credits he goes to jail on murder charges, and upon telling the truth, he's committed to an insane asylum for the rest of his days... and that gives me more enjoyment than the entire film ever did.
In the Name of the King: A Dungeon Siege Tale
I love the first two Dungeon Siege games, so I was both curious and
horrified when I saw that there was a film attached to it by Uwe Boll. I
know a lot of people look at anything by him and instantly call it
garbage, so before I watched this, I was convinced that it would be a train
wreck; I mean, it's Uwe Boll. He's infamous for making horrible films
that bomb to abuse a tax loop hole that by now is thankfully fixed. I
had no hope at all, and watched it like a passing motorist watches the
scene of a car crash. Upon seeing the film, I came to realize that at
best it was a mediocre generic fantasy action film and at worst had
nothing at all to do with Dungeon Siege.
Yeah, it kind of takes place in Ehb, yeah the main character uses the default name of Farmer... I could go on with the in name references, but when you get right down to it, this film has nothing to do with the first game. Change Farmer to Generic McFantasyMan and the Krug to Orcs and you have just another generic fantasy film set in some far away land in an undefined time setting. What's more, the film takes so many liberties with characters and setting to the point where it doesn't even resemble the most basic overview one could give of the first game. It ignores the back story, it ignores what little characterization the game gives and ultimately, the entire point of using the Dungeon Siege license was to lure in the fans who, like me, had a morbid desire just how horribly the film could mess up.
I cannot call the movie bad. It is not a horrible Dungeon Siege film due to the fact that it uses so little elements that you can simply change any name and make it fit into any setting you want (this could be the worlds cheapest Lord of the Rings film if you changed enough references), and overall the film is not horrible. It's not an amazing fantasy film by any stretch, the acting isn't award winning and the movie drags on for far too long because of the extended battle scenes between the humans and the Or- Krugs, but in all it wasn't painful to sit through, nor was I screaming at my monitor in anger.
All in all, as I said, a mediocre fantasy action film that just so happened to have the Dungeon Siege license and did nothing with it.
Yeah, it kind of takes place in Ehb, yeah the main character uses the default name of Farmer... I could go on with the in name references, but when you get right down to it, this film has nothing to do with the first game. Change Farmer to Generic McFantasyMan and the Krug to Orcs and you have just another generic fantasy film set in some far away land in an undefined time setting. What's more, the film takes so many liberties with characters and setting to the point where it doesn't even resemble the most basic overview one could give of the first game. It ignores the back story, it ignores what little characterization the game gives and ultimately, the entire point of using the Dungeon Siege license was to lure in the fans who, like me, had a morbid desire just how horribly the film could mess up.
I cannot call the movie bad. It is not a horrible Dungeon Siege film due to the fact that it uses so little elements that you can simply change any name and make it fit into any setting you want (this could be the worlds cheapest Lord of the Rings film if you changed enough references), and overall the film is not horrible. It's not an amazing fantasy film by any stretch, the acting isn't award winning and the movie drags on for far too long because of the extended battle scenes between the humans and the Or- Krugs, but in all it wasn't painful to sit through, nor was I screaming at my monitor in anger.
All in all, as I said, a mediocre fantasy action film that just so happened to have the Dungeon Siege license and did nothing with it.
Scrooged
So a while ago I finally watched Scrooged all the way through after nearly my entire life,
and I cannot begin to understand why people dislike this movie. Murray
is excellent as always, playing the type of 80s business suit that we've
all come to hate in a loving way in film. It had the right amount of
light humor and drama, with a healthy dose of dark humor that I love.
For an update of a supposed classic, it does a good job of making the
whole thing relevant to the age in which it was produced, but it didn't
reek so much of the era that those after it couldn't enjoy it.
The only problems I had were at the very end; the first being where Murray gives his speech at the end of the movie. It felt a bit preachy and forced; I get that his character has had a change of heart, but it was as though he gained a completely new personality at the end, rather than having his eyes opened and realizing the error of his ways. The second was the cornball bit of him talking to a theater audience, trying to get them to sing... that's something I felt they should have filmed an alternate scene or something. Especially since this was the era of VHS and films on video.
All in all, I love the film and my only problems came at the very ass end, one of which is but a minor nitpick. This movie should be a staple of any Christmas viewing experience, or rather, any movie night if you haven't seen it before.
The only problems I had were at the very end; the first being where Murray gives his speech at the end of the movie. It felt a bit preachy and forced; I get that his character has had a change of heart, but it was as though he gained a completely new personality at the end, rather than having his eyes opened and realizing the error of his ways. The second was the cornball bit of him talking to a theater audience, trying to get them to sing... that's something I felt they should have filmed an alternate scene or something. Especially since this was the era of VHS and films on video.
All in all, I love the film and my only problems came at the very ass end, one of which is but a minor nitpick. This movie should be a staple of any Christmas viewing experience, or rather, any movie night if you haven't seen it before.
MST3K Episodes I Have Seen
-Season 0 (KTMA Era)- (COMPLETE as it can be, since K01-K03 have no known copies floating around, so they won't be counted.)
K00: The Green Slime (14 minute pilot not shown on TV)
K04: Gamera Vs. Barugon
K05: Gamera
K06: Gamera Vs. Gaos
K07: Gamera Vs. Zigra
K08: Gamera Vs. Guiron
K09: Phase IV
K10: Cosmic Princess
K11: Humanoid Woman
K12: Fugitive Alien
K13: SST Death Flight
K14: Mighty Jack
K15: Superdome
K16: City on Fire
K17: Time of the Apes
K18: The Million Eyes of Sumuru
K19: Hangar 18
K20: The Last Chase
K21: Legend of Dinosaurs
-Season 1- (COMPLETE)
101: The Crawling Eye
102: The Robot Vs. The Aztec Mummy
103: The Mad Monster
104: Women of the Prehistoric Planet
105: The Corpse Vanishes
106: The Crawling Hand
107: Robot Monster
108: The Slime People
109: Project Moonbase
110: Robot Holocaust
111: Moon Zero Two
112: Untamed Youth
113: The Black Scorpion
-Season 2- (COMPLETE)
201: Rocketship X-M
202: The Sidehackers
203: Jungle Goddess
204: Catalina Caper
205: Rocket Attack USA
206: Ring of Terror
207: Wild Rebels
208: Lost Continent (basically rock climbing porn)
209: The Hellcats
210: King Dinosaur
211: First Spaceship on Venus
212: Godzilla Vs. Megalon
213: Godzilla Vs. the Sea Monster
-Season 3- (COMPLETE)
301: Cave Dwellers
302: Gamera
303: Pod People
304: Gamera Vs. Barugon
305: Stranded in Space
306: Time of the Apes
307: Daddy-O
308: Gamera Vs. Gaos
309: The Amazing Colossal Man
310: Fugitive Alien
311: It Conquered the World
312: Gamera Vs. Guiron
313: Earth vs the Spider
314: Mighty Jack
315: Teenage Caveman
316: Gamera Vs. Zigra
317: The Viking Women and the Sea Serpent
318: Star Force: Fugitive Alien II
319: War of the Colossal Beast
320: The Unearthly
321: Santa Claus Conquers The Martians
322: Master Ninja I
323: The Castle of Fu Manchu
324: Master Ninja II
-Season 4- (COMPLETE)
401: Space Travelers
402: The Giant Gila Monster
403: City Limits
404: Teenagers from Outer Space
405: Being From Another Planet
406: Attack of the Giant Leeches
407: Killer Shrews
408: Hercules Unchained
409: Indestructible Man
410: Hercules Against The Moon Men
411: The Magic Sword
412: Hercules and the Captive Women
413: Manhunt In Space
414: Tormented
415: The Beatniks
416: Fire Maidens of Outer Space
417: Crash of the Moons
418: Attack of The The Eye Creatures
419: The Rebel Set
420: The Human Duplicators
421: Monster A-Go-Go (WORST. MOVIE. EVER.)
422: The Day The Earth Froze
423:Bride of the Monster
424: "MANOS" The Hands of Fate
-Season 5- (COMPLETE)
501: Warrior of the Lost World
502: Hercules
503: Swamp Diamonds
504: Secret Agent Super Dragon
505: The Magic Voyage of Sinbad
506: Eegah
507: I Accuse My Parents
508: Operation Double 007
509: The Girl in Lovers Lane
510: The Painted Hills
511: Gunslinger
512: Mitchell
513: The Brain That Wouldn't Die
514: Teen-Age Strangler
515: The Wild World Of Batwoman
516: Alien From L.A.
517: Beginning of the End
518: The Atomic Brain
519: Outlaw (of Gor)
520: Radar Secret Service
521: Santa Claus
522: Teen-Age Crime Wave
523: Village of the Giants
524: 12 To The Moon
-Season 6- (COMPLETE)
601: Girls Town
602: Invasion U.S.A.
603: The Dead Talk Back
604: Zombie Nightmare
605: Colossus and the Headhunters
606: The Creeping Terror
607: Bloodlust!
608: Code Name: Diamond head
609: The Skydivers
610: The Violent Years
611: Last of the Wild Horses
612: The Starfighters
613: The Sinister Urge
614: San Francisco International
615: Kitten With a Whip
616: Racket Girls
617: The Sword and the Dragon
618: High School Big Shot
619: Red Zone Cuba
620: Danger!! Death Ray
621: The Beast of Yucca Flats
622: Angels' Revenge
623: The Amazing Transparent Man
624: Samson Vs. The Vampire Women
-Season 7- (COMPLETE)
MST3K: The Movie
701: Night of the Blood Beast
701TD: Night of the Blood Beast (same as the first, only a Thanksgiving Day special)
702: The Brute Man
703: Deathstalker and the Warriors From Hell
704: The Incredible Melting Man
705: Escape 2000
706: Laserblast
-Season 8- (COMPLETE)
801: Revenge of the Creature
802: The Leech Woman
803: The Mole People
804: The Deadly Mantis
805: The Thing That Couldn't Die
806: The Undead
807: Terror from the Year 5000
808: The She Creature
809: I Was A Teenage Werewolf
810: The Giant Spider Invasion
811: "PARTS": The Clonus Horror
812: The Incredibly Strange Creatures Who Stopped Living And Became Mixed-Up Zombies
813: Jack Frost
814: Riding With Death
815: Agent For H.A.R.M.
816: Prince of Space
817: The Horror Of Party Beach
818: Devil Doll
819: Invasion Of The Neptune Men
820: Space Mutiny (one of my all time favorites)
821: Time Chasers
822: Overdrawn At The Memory Bank
-Season 9- (COMPLETE)
901: The Projected Man
902: The Phantom Planet
903: The Pumaman
904: Werewolf
905: The Deadly Bees
906: The Space Children
907: Hobgoblins
908: The Touch Of Satan
909: Gorgo
910: The Final Sacrifice (my favorite)
911: Devil Fish
912: The Screaming Skull
913: Quest Of The Delta Knights
-Season 10- (COMPLETE)
1001: Soultaker
1002: The Girl In Gold Boots
1003: Merlin's Shop Of Mystical Wonders
1004: Future War
1005:Blood Waters of Dr. Z
1006: Boggy Creek II: And The Legend Continues
1007: Track Of The Moon Beast
1008: Final Justice
1009: Hamlet
1010: It Lives By Night
1011: Horrors Of Spider Island
1012: Squirm
1013: Diabolik
K00: The Green Slime (14 minute pilot not shown on TV)
K04: Gamera Vs. Barugon
K05: Gamera
K06: Gamera Vs. Gaos
K07: Gamera Vs. Zigra
K08: Gamera Vs. Guiron
K09: Phase IV
K10: Cosmic Princess
K11: Humanoid Woman
K12: Fugitive Alien
K13: SST Death Flight
K14: Mighty Jack
K15: Superdome
K16: City on Fire
K17: Time of the Apes
K18: The Million Eyes of Sumuru
K19: Hangar 18
K20: The Last Chase
K21: Legend of Dinosaurs
-Season 1- (COMPLETE)
101: The Crawling Eye
102: The Robot Vs. The Aztec Mummy
103: The Mad Monster
104: Women of the Prehistoric Planet
105: The Corpse Vanishes
106: The Crawling Hand
107: Robot Monster
108: The Slime People
109: Project Moonbase
110: Robot Holocaust
111: Moon Zero Two
112: Untamed Youth
113: The Black Scorpion
-Season 2- (COMPLETE)
201: Rocketship X-M
202: The Sidehackers
203: Jungle Goddess
204: Catalina Caper
205: Rocket Attack USA
206: Ring of Terror
207: Wild Rebels
208: Lost Continent (basically rock climbing porn)
209: The Hellcats
210: King Dinosaur
211: First Spaceship on Venus
212: Godzilla Vs. Megalon
213: Godzilla Vs. the Sea Monster
-Season 3- (COMPLETE)
301: Cave Dwellers
302: Gamera
303: Pod People
304: Gamera Vs. Barugon
305: Stranded in Space
306: Time of the Apes
307: Daddy-O
308: Gamera Vs. Gaos
309: The Amazing Colossal Man
310: Fugitive Alien
311: It Conquered the World
312: Gamera Vs. Guiron
313: Earth vs the Spider
314: Mighty Jack
315: Teenage Caveman
316: Gamera Vs. Zigra
317: The Viking Women and the Sea Serpent
318: Star Force: Fugitive Alien II
319: War of the Colossal Beast
320: The Unearthly
321: Santa Claus Conquers The Martians
322: Master Ninja I
323: The Castle of Fu Manchu
324: Master Ninja II
-Season 4- (COMPLETE)
401: Space Travelers
402: The Giant Gila Monster
403: City Limits
404: Teenagers from Outer Space
405: Being From Another Planet
406: Attack of the Giant Leeches
407: Killer Shrews
408: Hercules Unchained
409: Indestructible Man
410: Hercules Against The Moon Men
411: The Magic Sword
412: Hercules and the Captive Women
413: Manhunt In Space
414: Tormented
415: The Beatniks
416: Fire Maidens of Outer Space
417: Crash of the Moons
418: Attack of The The Eye Creatures
419: The Rebel Set
420: The Human Duplicators
421: Monster A-Go-Go (WORST. MOVIE. EVER.)
422: The Day The Earth Froze
423:Bride of the Monster
424: "MANOS" The Hands of Fate
-Season 5- (COMPLETE)
501: Warrior of the Lost World
502: Hercules
503: Swamp Diamonds
504: Secret Agent Super Dragon
505: The Magic Voyage of Sinbad
506: Eegah
507: I Accuse My Parents
508: Operation Double 007
509: The Girl in Lovers Lane
510: The Painted Hills
511: Gunslinger
512: Mitchell
513: The Brain That Wouldn't Die
514: Teen-Age Strangler
515: The Wild World Of Batwoman
516: Alien From L.A.
517: Beginning of the End
518: The Atomic Brain
519: Outlaw (of Gor)
520: Radar Secret Service
521: Santa Claus
522: Teen-Age Crime Wave
523: Village of the Giants
524: 12 To The Moon
-Season 6- (COMPLETE)
601: Girls Town
602: Invasion U.S.A.
603: The Dead Talk Back
604: Zombie Nightmare
605: Colossus and the Headhunters
606: The Creeping Terror
607: Bloodlust!
608: Code Name: Diamond head
609: The Skydivers
610: The Violent Years
611: Last of the Wild Horses
612: The Starfighters
613: The Sinister Urge
614: San Francisco International
615: Kitten With a Whip
616: Racket Girls
617: The Sword and the Dragon
618: High School Big Shot
619: Red Zone Cuba
620: Danger!! Death Ray
621: The Beast of Yucca Flats
622: Angels' Revenge
623: The Amazing Transparent Man
624: Samson Vs. The Vampire Women
-Season 7- (COMPLETE)
MST3K: The Movie
701: Night of the Blood Beast
701TD: Night of the Blood Beast (same as the first, only a Thanksgiving Day special)
702: The Brute Man
703: Deathstalker and the Warriors From Hell
704: The Incredible Melting Man
705: Escape 2000
706: Laserblast
-Season 8- (COMPLETE)
801: Revenge of the Creature
802: The Leech Woman
803: The Mole People
804: The Deadly Mantis
805: The Thing That Couldn't Die
806: The Undead
807: Terror from the Year 5000
808: The She Creature
809: I Was A Teenage Werewolf
810: The Giant Spider Invasion
811: "PARTS": The Clonus Horror
812: The Incredibly Strange Creatures Who Stopped Living And Became Mixed-Up Zombies
813: Jack Frost
814: Riding With Death
815: Agent For H.A.R.M.
816: Prince of Space
817: The Horror Of Party Beach
818: Devil Doll
819: Invasion Of The Neptune Men
820: Space Mutiny (one of my all time favorites)
821: Time Chasers
822: Overdrawn At The Memory Bank
-Season 9- (COMPLETE)
901: The Projected Man
902: The Phantom Planet
903: The Pumaman
904: Werewolf
905: The Deadly Bees
906: The Space Children
907: Hobgoblins
908: The Touch Of Satan
909: Gorgo
910: The Final Sacrifice (my favorite)
911: Devil Fish
912: The Screaming Skull
913: Quest Of The Delta Knights
-Season 10- (COMPLETE)
1001: Soultaker
1002: The Girl In Gold Boots
1003: Merlin's Shop Of Mystical Wonders
1004: Future War
1005:Blood Waters of Dr. Z
1006: Boggy Creek II: And The Legend Continues
1007: Track Of The Moon Beast
1008: Final Justice
1009: Hamlet
1010: It Lives By Night
1011: Horrors Of Spider Island
1012: Squirm
1013: Diabolik
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